If This Isn't Nice, What Is?: Advice for the Young by Kurt Vinnegut

I'm not a fan of advise books. I tend to find them preachy and annoying, but this was different. A collection of speeches that Kurt Vonnegut gave to graduating students, filled with personal stories, encouragement and advise. If you like his writing, and to be honest it takes a certain type or reader, then this might be up your ally. It's realistic, not giving false promises of greatness or cheesy and corny sayings, but encouraging words on family and not giving up. I personally would recommend getting this on audiobook to listen to on the way to and from work, it's what I did. 

Chuck Palahnuik's Tell All: Not Really Worth Telling

The problem with having an author that I admire, is that I tend to hold their novels to a higher standard than might be fair. Chuck Palahnuik is one such author. He is definitely in my top five, and both Fight Club and Survivor make my top ten list. This is probably why I thought that Tell-All was only okay. Had I not been comparing it to his other novels, I would have enjoyed it more, but alas it does not hold up to the majority of books Palahnuik has written.

Tell All is written in the form of a movie script and chronicles the final days of famous actress Katherine Kenton and her doting assistant Hazel Coogan. Hazel has spent her life trying to keep Katherine’s reputation perfect and preserve her legacy, often lying and keeping would-be suitors away by any means possible. Everything begins to unravel for both women when a man named Webster Carlton Westward III appears in Katherine’s life. In her own words Hazel says, "My purpose is to impose order on Miss Kathie's chaos … to instill discipline in her legendary artistic caprice. I am the person Lolly Parsons once referred to as a 'surrogate spine.' "

Appearing to love and care for Katherine, she ignores all of Hazel’s warnings, even making accusations that Hazel is working against her. That is, until the two women discover that Webster has written a tell all book to be published after Katherine’s death. It details intimate moments of their time together, and downright lies about things they did together. In fact, the end of the book even details how Katherine is going to die!

But more is going on behind the scenes of Katherine’s life, and Hazel might not just be looking out for her mistress, but for herself. With echoes of Alfred Hitchcock’s Rebecca and Hollywood life in the 1950s, the potential of a novel of worth and merit was there, especially with a writer like Palahnuik creating the world, but it fell short. Very Short. 

The End (Series of Unfortunate Events #13)

I stupidly decided to finish this book while at work today. Multiple coworkers came up to ask if I was ok, only to laugh at me when they saw I was crying while reading. Even though I knew what was going to happen, and had read the ending before, it didn’t stop me from crying through the last 60 or so pages. 

Trapped on a small boat with Count Olaf, the Baudelaire children sat waiting for something to happen while in the middle of water with no land in sight. What was insight was a storm, and a bad one at that. The boat was torn apart, and the three Baudelaire children hardly manage to hold on to each other, but the waves do wash them on the shore of a small island. If you thought that VFD had secrets, it is nothing compared to what the island holds. As it turns out, many former members of VFD, castaways, villains, politicians, evildoers and volunteers are living on the island, all under the rule of an evil man who once knew the Baudelaire parents.

While the islanders initially welcome the three children and turn Count Olaf away, things quickly turn as secrets the islanders have been keeping from each other start to surface. To make matters worse Kit Snicket has washed upon the shore, in labour and Olaf has released the deadly fungus. 

After being poisoned, the islanders all leave on a newly constructed boat, but refuse to take Kit, Olaf and the Baudelaires. So often in this series things are not as they seem, and this ending is no different. In the last moments of life, Olaf helps Kit deliver her child and it is revealed that before the VFD schism, the two were lovers, and the baby could possibly be his. Kit dies while in labour, after making the Baudelaires promise to raise her child. 

After a year, Violet, Klaus, Sunny and the baby Beatrice (whom they named after their own mother), are able to finally leave the island wanting to rejoin the world despite the evils that it holds. 

I love this series, and am so glad that I reread it despite the sadness that certain parts brought. So much of the magic, and amazing things the novel provides I have left out of my reviews, as I do not want to give every secret away. I hope that everyone finds the time to read these books at some point in their life, it is well worth the time. 

Penultimate Peril (Series of Unfortunate Events #12)

The driver of the taxi Violet, Klaus and Sunny stepped into was no other than Kit Snicket. While the Baudelaires do not know who she is yet, she knows them, and knew their parents well. She tells them that VFD is in need of their services as the last safe place, and they are to go under cover at the Hotel Denouncement. While working there, is seems that every person they have ever encountered since their parents death has been called to the hotel. Some are villains, some former volunteers and members of VFD. Still others have been called to testify against Count Olaf or the Baudelaires, no matter the reason the Baudelaire children realize that for everything they knew, or thought they knew, hundreds more secrets were just under the surface, and some memories of those they loved have been tarnished as secrets reveal they were not perfect. 

So much happens while at the hotel, it would take nearly a whole other novel to explain it, but it all culminates in the burning down of the hotel, and the Baudelaires getting into a boat with Count Olaf in order to stay safe and away from the flames. 

While this review is short, the only other way to have written it would have turned into a ten page report. Trust me, read this series, and this book. It makes you think about your own life and the choices you make under different circumstances, and how others might view them as evil even if you don't. 

The Grim Grotto (A Series of Unfortunate Events #11)

Speeding down the Stricken Stream, soaking wet and clutching each other and their toboggan for dear life, Violet, Klaus and Sunny find themselves suddenly in front of a submarine’s eye and on its deck. Knocking frantically to be let in, Violet gives the password “the world is quiet here,” a phrase that her mother used to sing to her when she was little. The door opens and the Baudelaires are rushed inside the submarine as it descends again underwater.

            As it turns out the submarine is part of VFD, and the good part that wants to help the children and stop Count Olaf and his dastardly deeds. The ship is run by Captain Widdershins, his stepdaughter Fiona, and Phil who once worked at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill. While the crew of the Queequeg seems to be on their side, Captain Widdershins refuses to tell the Baudelaires anything, saying there will be time later. This is seems to be a running problem for the Baudelaires, anytime they meet someone who knows information they never are able to hear it.

            Captain Widdershins, his crew of two, and the Baudelaire children travel from the Stricken Stream and into the sea, following maps and tidal charts hoping to find an elusive sugar bowl that Count Olaf and all members of VFD seem to think holds all the answers, and the key to taking over the world. While studying the map, Klaus notices that one of the underwater research facilities of VFD was named after Aunt Josephine’s family, making him realize that maybe her crazy and irrational fears were based on things she actually did and saw while in the employment of VFD. Next to the research facility, Klaus notices a small oval with the initials G.G. that he believes to be the location of the sugar bowl.

            As it turns out, Fiona knows all about GG, or the Gorgonian Grotto that houses the deadliest mushroom and fungus spores in the world. No one has ever carried the spores back to shore, as the grotto is contained and acts like a natural quarantine, but Captain Widdershins insists on going into the grotto to look for the bowl, and even worse, insists that Sunny should go as she is the smallest and will be able to fit in any tiny holes or passage to look for the sugar bowl.

            Not wanting to be separated, because we all know how much worst things get when that happens, Violet and Klaus (along with Fiona) don air helmets as well to follow Sunny into the dark grotto. After getting through the grotto’s current, the four children find themselves in a room with no water. This kind of thing often happens in underwater caves and caverns, parts of it have air pockets allowing for those unfortunate enough to be forced to enter a chance to breath. Looking around the wet and dark room the children find all sorts of interesting items, but no sugar bowl. What they did find was the Medusoid Mycelium mushroom sprouting everywhere, trapping them in the underwater grotto.

            While trapped, waiting for the Medusoid Mycelium to wane so they can swim back to the submarine, the four children begin digging through all the items that had washed into the grotto. While digging around, they find papers, maps and decoders from VFD. One of the papers that Violet reads has to do with Fiona’s brother Ferdinand, who Violet realizes is actually the hook-handed man in Count Olaf’s employ. Violet attempts to keep the information to herself not wanting to alarm and distress Fiona. When the mushrooms wane enough for the four to swim back to the submarine, Violet tucks the paper clipping into her wetsuit to discuss with her siblings later. Unfortunately, while swimming back to the submarine, Sunny’s helmet becomes infested with mushroom spores that begin growing their poison in her helmet.

            Things continue to get worse for the Baudelaire children and Fiona when they reach the submarine. Not only is Sunny’s helmet infected, but also Phil and Captain Widdershins are no longer there, they seem to have disappeared without a trace. It is then that Fiona sees what is growing in Sunny’s helmet and insists that Sunny stay in the helmet as opening it would infect the rest of the submarine. Fiona takes her research and books on mushrooms into her private rooms to research a possible antidote while Violet and Klaus stay with their sister trying to reassure her of their love and that she will be okay. That does little good however, as Count Olaf’s giant octopus looking submarine traps the Queequeg and forces them aboard.

Once on Count Olaf’s submarine, called the Carmelita after the now adopted daughter of Olaf and Esme, the four children are thrown into the brig where Olaf sends one of his associates to torcher information out of them. As it happens, it is the hook-handed man who is sent, and when he sees his sister Fiona, Ferdinand agrees to help them, vowing to put his villainy and allegiance to Count Olaf in his past and to be on the good side of VFD. Fiona and Ferdinand distract Esme and Carmelita while the Baudelaires get back to the Queequeg to find Sunny’s cure. While looking through the books and notes from Klaus’ commonplace notebook they discover that the antidote was discovered by Uncle Monty’s house, horseradish!

While no horseradish is found in the submarine, the two eldest Baudelaires manage to find wasabi at Sunny’s direction, which they believe will work just as well. It does, they open the helmet and give Sunny a spoonful of wasabi before she falls asleep, exhausted from her ordeal. While Sunny sleeps, Violet and Klaus finish the last of the wasabi, making sure that any spores released into the air don’t infect them.

Thanks to Violet’s inventive skills, earlier in the novel she fixed the telegram. While Sunny napped, a telegram from Quigley Quagmire arrived requesting the Baudelaires meet him and the other volunteers at a secret location to be decoded in the poems below. After much research and debate Klaus decodes the message to meet Quigley at Briny Beach, the place where the Baudelaires first learned of their parents death.

To quote the author, here the tables turn again. While reading, Count Olaf storms aboard the Queequeg, with Fiona dressed his the uniform of the associates. She had flipped sides to join Olaf with her brother. Luckily, she still has at least some of her former thoughts and feelings, allowing the Baudelaire children to sneak past her and escape from the submarine while Count Olaf fights off another submarine ship that is attacking him.

Taking the submarine to Briny Beach was not as difficult as one might suspect. When the three reached the beach, Mr. Poe was their waiting, but Quigley’s note had said not to go with him, but to get in the taxi that would be waiting. Leaving Mr. Poe screaming after them on the beach, Violet opened to the door of the taxi to find a woman in the drivers seat. Her name was Kit Snicket.

I love this series so much, and I love how after ten novels all of the things no matter how small in the previous books are coming together. 

The Slippery Slope (A Series of Unfortunate Events #10)

Thank god that Violet is an inventor, or she and her brother and sister would have been in Count Olaf's clutches or dead long ago. Violet's quick thinking and inventive prowess saved herself multiple times over the series, and chapter one of The Sleepy Slope was no different. Violet and Klaus had been pushed down the side of a mountain by Count Olaf, and the trailer they were trapped in was going faster and faster, closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. Violet was able to slow the speeding cart just enough for her and her brother to jump out, now all they have to do is climb all the way up the mountain and find their sister.

This is the first time in the series that the children are truly separated. Before the longest they were apart was when Sunny was trapped in a cage overnight, but even then her siblings were able to see her. This created two parallel stories in this novel, one that followed what happened to Sunny, and the other that followed Violet and Klaus,        

We will start with Sunny. Trapped in a car with Count Olaf, Esme, and the rest of the evil associates, Sunny was only being kept alive so that the Baudelaire fortune could be stolen, and so that she could do the chores and cooking for the villains. Sunny herself even said she was being treated like Cinderella. What makes this storyline so amazing, is this is the first time we see how grown up Sunny has become. Looking back, one can see signs of her no longer being a baby, but this makes it very evident. Not only is she walking and cooking, even her “babytalk” doesn’t always need a translation. Her one and two word sentences actually make relevant sense to the storyline. Sunny spends most of this novel spying on Count Olaf and making mental notes of all the things she over hears since everyone thinks that she is just a baby who doesn’t understand.Klaus and Violet’s story is the one that brought tears of happiness to my eyes though. After narrowly escaping death, the two start up the freezing mountain. While traveling upwards they meet the Snow Scouts, a group of young adults similar to American Scout troops, lead by Carmelita Spats from boarding school. Disguised under their layers of clothing, Carmelita doesn’t recognize the Baudelaires, but someone does. A boy, not dressed in the scout uniform begins talking in phrases that all have the initials VFD. When he leads Violet and Klaus away after the others are asleep he reveals himself to be the thought to be dead triplet, Quigley Quagmire.

I think it might be worse that the Baudelaire children have these moments of happiness and hope, it makes the end result so much sadder. For a few days, it seems that maybe things are looking up. Quigley helps them scale the mountain and rescue Sunny and they talk about their families and hope for the future. Of Course it doesn’t pan out though. Once at the top of the summit, the three children rescue Sunny, only to have Quigley be separated from them when the waterfall/river unfreezes and sends them in opposite directions.

Every book gets more heartbreaking, but this book gives the reader and the Baudelaires themselves some insight into why all this happens. This novel speaks more of the secret organization that, as it turns out, all of the parents and guardians were a part of at some point in their lives. It also becomes somewhat apparent that both the Baudelaire children and the Quagmire triplets were being groomed to join the organization (the good side of it of course).

I would just like to apologize for the delay in this review. Life kind of got in the way of my finishing this series in two weeks,